The transition from being a full time working mom to a SAHM, has been more difficult than I've ever imagined. Cutting costs and saving money is of course one of the key things. Keeping up on the kids' activities, practices, house work, potty training, making dinner, etc the list goes on and it seems like I am falling behind.
I think my main problem is the "idea" of it all. I had great plans when I decided to become a Stay At Home Mom. I would get up and cook breakfast for everyone, get the bigs off to school, I would clean the house in a zip, and me and the baby would spend the afternoon at the park or taking day trips around town, only to return home make a snack and ready for the return of some of the bigs. I would be class mom, join the PTO/PTA, accompany the kids on field trips, volunteer at all the school functions, and I could also finally be team mom!
Needless to say it didn't pan out to be all candy and roses. I've only cooked breakfast for them once or twice; I just don't have the time between making sure every one is up, dressed in clothes that match, aren't too big or too small, ripped,torn or just plain not happening, reminding all kids to put on deodorant, brush their teeth, comb their hair, have their books, back packs, practice gear, etc. and to be honest I'm just plain tired. I thank my lucky stars that they offer breakfast at the school!
After they leave, I have separate email accounts to weed through, looking for business opportunities, keep up on anything and everything with my current business, separating college and ACT emails, and then it's on to facebook business pages, etc to keep them updated and draw in new customers, and that is hopefully all before the baby wakes up.
Then off to do the housework, I am trying my hardest to keep up on everything, but to be honest sometimes I just say, "forget it." It seems to me that everyone has slacked off in the "pick up after yourself" department. Maybe it's just me, and it probably is, but the anger builds every time I pick up a cup, sock, trash or some other item anywhere in the house. It seems that cup is saying to me "It's your job to pick me up" "why should they pick up after themselves when you are here?" "that's what you're here for." Now I know that sounds crazy, because of course I don't think the cup is talking to me, but you get my drift.
I have been down on myself the past few days, because I feel like I haven't lived up to MY expectations as a SAHM. It's been hard for me, not bringing in a paycheck and financially contributing to the family. I take it personally when I have to say, "we just don't have the money right now," I feel guilty and feel like everyone blames me for not having the money. I feel like I see it in the eyes of everyone I see, "why on earth would you quit your job with 7 mouths to feed?" It's hard, and it's grinding on my sanity.
In the end I guess I'm the one in control of my feelings, I'm the one who has to be comfortable in my decision, but it's not always as easy as it sounds. I have always worked, and I missed out on a lot with my kids. Even when I was working, I felt like I did my best to be at school functions and get my kids to practice, although there was a lot of car-pooling involved. There were lots of late nights getting home, because of this practice or that, kids rustling up whatever microwave meal they could for dinner, and trusting kids to do their homework and turn it in on time.
AT work though you get reviews, you are constantly rewarded for a job well done, whether it just be the fact that you get to keep your job, the paycheck at the end of the week and maybe even a raise once in a while. At a job you have the ability to be promoted... At home... not so much. There is no paycheck at the end of the week, there is no pat on the back after a job well done, No one is coming up to you and saying "wow look at the shine on that toilet!" No one really notices anything that you are doing. There is no promotion, there is no raise...not in the here and now anyway. You sometimes have to wait YEARS for the recognition, often it's after your kids have their own families, or so I've heard....
I'll get through it, I always do.
Until Next Time,
My Mixed up Family of 9